15 Elon Musk Quotes to Remind You That You Do Not Have What it Takes

None of them have anything to do with becoming a vampire.

Elon “Totes not a vampire” Musk (image source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Elon_Musk)


I’m Elon Musk.

I have a pretty hefty case of billionairitis, and it’s definitely not because I’m also a vampire who needs to neither sleep nor eat and has an unerring compulsion to treat mere humans as the obstacles to be eaten and cast away that they are. Where did you hear that? You’re thinking of Richard Branson.

Odds are that you too would like to develop billionairitis. Trust me when I tell you that you probably don’t have what it takes. I mean, I did it, and I’m just a normal guy. (Definitely not a vampire. I mean, I ain’t saying anything one way or the other about something I heard about some other billionaires. I’m just going to say “Ginger, are you? Convenient,” and leave it at that.)

I guess if you, too, are a normal guy, you might have what it takes. Fundamentally speaking, since I’m also a normal guy, unlike some other highly groomed, pasty-faced billionaires I could use to deflect attention from myself. (Have you seen that guy’s grooming? Remind you of anyone, or should I say any vampire? That’s all I’m saying.)

Fine. You’ve talked me into it, since I’m just a normal guy, like you. Here’s fifteen quotes that have served me well over the centuries…I mean, years. (Why did I say centuries? Slip of the tongue! Ha ha! I guess I heard it from some other billionaire I could, but won’t, mention. I ain’t no snitch.)

They’re all quotes from me, which is how you know they work to make you into a billionaire, since I am a billionaire, due entirely to wisdom, of course. I have no idea what it’s like to cruise all night long in search of fresh blood. You’re thinking of the guy whose so motivated to establish a moon colony, so that he doesn’t catch fire when he accidentally steps outside.

  1. “Some people don’t like change, but you need to embrace change if the alternative is disaster. This is totally what that chick said before biting my neck that one crazy night…I don’t remember what happened after that.”
  2. “I think that’s the single best piece of advice: constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself. I mean, I never need to question myself. But you should.”
  3. “Life is too short for long-term grudges. *snorts* Sorry — I just realized I said that out loud.”
  4. “When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor. Remember that next time you cheese me off and langour in the pudding of your regret in the hours you have left.”
  5. “If you’re trying to create a company, it’s like baking a cake. You have to have all the ingredients in the right proportion. Just ask my cousin, Deezer…oh, shit, Deezer, you weren’t supposed to eat the whole thing. Just a couple bites. That was some…jeeze, somebody call an ambulance. Deezer is tripping balls.”
  6. “When I was in college, I wanted to be involved in things that would change the world. Which is why I would go around campus and flip all the globes upside down.”
  7. “I say something, and then it usually happens. Maybe not on schedule, but it usually happens…. Can you smell that? It’s the smell of power…and the ghost of a burrito I had for lunch.”
  8. “Really, the only thing that makes sense is to strive for greater collective enlightenment. In related news, I’m announcing a new product that totally ISN’T a device that makes it so I can influence your decisions and endorphin levels and at the same time it’s a stylish hat. (Think I fooled them? I think I fooled them.)
  9. “I think it matters whether someone has a good heart. I mean, of course it matters…it matters…every night…. I hear Richard Branson isn’t so…caring…”
  10. “I’ve actually not read any books on time management. Co-written some. Never read. Suck it.”
  11. “The factory is the machine that builds the machine… Hold on, they’re telling me that sounds stupid. Oh well. Suck it. I’m Elon Musk.”
  12. “I had so many people try to talk me out of starting a rocket company, it was crazy. They all changed their tune as soon as I told them I’d let them come to my Flash Gordon themed launch party with a literal launch at it.”
  13. “If anyone has a vested interest in space solar power, it would have to be me. Which has nothing to do with my eventual goal to blot out the sky so that I can go to Myrtle Beach without worrying about catching fire and dying in a column of flame. This isn’t even remotely related, but have you ever seen Richard Branson on the beach? Just saying…”
  14. “I’m glad to see that BMW is bringing an electric car to the market. That’s cool… Do you have a lock on the position of their factory? Fire on my mark…three…two…”
  15. “With artificial intelligence, we are summoning the demon. Which bugs me. I don’t like the competition.”
    And a bonus one…
  16. “The value of beauty and inspiration is very much underrated, no question. But I want to be clear: I’m not trying to be anyone’s savior…. Not trying. Like my main man, Yoda, says, trying is for schmucks. I don’t try. Suck it!”

I don’t expect these quotes to do you as much good to make you a vampire — I mean, billionaire! Ahem…I meant billionaire…

I don’t think these quotes will help you as much as they helped me.

But, hey, you can give it a shot, right?

The best part of being a mime is never having to say I’m sorry.

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