Taylors of Harrogate: Earl Grey Tea
A Review
I have a friend called Abi who I often think of as a provision by the universe as karmic balance of me. For a lot of reasons, but today for the reason that she has a talent for reviewing anything, while I have a skill for reviewing nothing.
I think the secret that Abi managed to intuit is that the key to a review isn’t having an opinion. Everyone’s got an opinion. That’s why they’re annoying. No, the key to a review is a capacity to articulate an opinion, which is a different thing entirely.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had this experience, but most of the reason that people irritate me is because of a persistent lack of ability to express themselves. I’m sure almost everyone has a good reason for believing stupid things, but instead of telling me about those reasons I usually hear people repeating what they heard other people say because it SOUNDS like their opinion, or close enough to it not to be annoying to them.
I started drinking Earl Grey tea because of people like Abi, the skilled reviewer. When I say “people like,” I mean two people like. My mom drank Earl Grey tea sometimes, and we both drank it because of Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise, a man notorious for, if nothing else, his ability to make it clear exactly what his opinion is.
I always wanted to be more like Jean Luc Picard than I naturally am. I wanted to be more like this calm, reserved, thoughtful, small yet commanding person, with his devotion to his calling and his love of literature. And, like many people before me trying to convince other people that they are, in fact, witches, I thought I might be able to imbue myself with some of his qualities by partaking in a beverage like his.
Which, in a strange way, has sort of worked, because of how tea affects me. The sort of caffeine in Earl Grey tea makes me sharper and more energetic without being jittery, which helps when your day job is negotiating with alien cultures.
That’s not my day job. I just sometimes feel like it is, since I work in an office, and I’m kind of a…not an office worker type of person.
Taylors of Harrogate is probably one of the less bergamoty of the Earl Grey teas you can get easily, which makes it taste conservative and reserved, like it was made by people who see no point in putting on airs. Also, it comes with an unprecedented fifty sachets in the same size of box that you usually get at the less-than-ten-bucks-American price. And that’s good.
It tastes like tea, which you can’t always say about teas these days. Which means that all those times during your day when what you’ve really got to do is negotiate with alien cultures, you can take strength in a no-nonsense, earthy cuppa assembled with a clear purpose to deliver the most tea and the least pleasure possible.
A thinking man’s tea. I’m sure that Captain Picard would approve.
