Top Writers in Productivity on the Internet Have One Thing in Common.

“A man in a shirt and jeans kneeling on the edge of a beach with his hands clasped against his chin” by Ben White on Unsplash

There’s one important feature shared by all the Top Writers in Productivity on the Interwebspace.

I should know. I’m one of them. I have joined the prestigious In Crowd which is writers on the intersphere who get to explain to everyone else how to be productive.

It’s a lot like being a Knight of the Round Table. We’ve got rituals. We’ve got shiny suits. We’re an elite group. Each and every one of us has special skills that make us the kind of people that you should admire.

We’re not interested in how much you pay attention to us, so long as you learn something from us.

It’s not about us. It’s about the wisdom. And the fact that we have it, and you should listen to us.

I have compiled a list of the ways you can be as humble as us. Although you’ll never be as productive as us. That’s the thing about being Masters of our Art. We can teach you all we know, but we can never make you learn it.

Which is what sets us apart: we learned it.

So you’ll never be as productive as us.

But you could try to be as humble.

I mean, you can try. Trying never hurt anyone, right?

Three Techniques to Unlock Your Inner Humble Person

  1. Caption your Instagram pictures appropriately
  2. Use lots of quotes
  3. Listen to an hour of Flamenco guitar every day

1. Nothing says “I’m humble” like captioning your selfie from the top of that mountain “So grateful!”

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” — John F. Kennedy

One of the ways that we hyper productive writers on the interkittengifland demonstrate how very productive we are is we write a hundred times more than you while running our startup tech company.

Then, after that, take pictures that make it look like we also have time for six hour hikes up fourteeners every day.

Right before we go take pictures of colorful food at hole-in-the-wall restaurants that the hipsters haven’t ruined yet.

Then go stand on a bridge for a few hours, waiting till the light is just right to emphasize the curve of our cheekbones.

Which would be super obnoxious of us, if we weren’t careful about our captions.

To be as humble as us hyper-productive people, try peppering the captions of your selfies with a few of these buzzwords.

  • So grateful!
  • Beautiful! Makes reminds me how small I am!
  • The magnificence of the natural world is staggering!

And, of course,

  • Humbling!

2. “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” — Oscar Wilde

“I always have a quotation for everything — it saves original thinking.” — Dorothy L. Sayers

One excellent technique to point out that it’s not about me, it’s about us and the whole of the human struggle, is to borrow the words of other people.

As that renowned American philosopher, Samuel L. Jackson, says,

I’m not entirely sure what he’s getting at, but the point is that we’re all in this together. It’s not about me and paying attention to me, it’s about all of us, which include more than me, which I know because people quote stuff.

“We have a queen-sized bed and the dog sleeps in the middle. John and I are sort of these little quotation marks on either corner.” — Rachael Ray

And I am making it clear that I know there are other people in the world, possibly also important ones, by quoting them.

It might appear by my erratic choices of quotations that I’ve just got brainyquotes.com open in another tab and I’m just finding quotes that sort of seem related to what I’ve got to say.

Which sounds like the work of a self-centered person who’s just trying to make it look like he’s read a bunch of books that he’s never heard of, to make his otherwise boring thoughts have some semblance of pertinence.

I would never do that.

It’s more like a gesture. What I’m really saying by using a lot of quotes is, “I’m really not that great — it’s these other guys I’m quoting who are great.”

That’s what I’m doing, because I’m humble.

As Niels Bohr, the renowned anagram, once said on the subject,

3. You really want to feel humble? Rodrigo y Gabriela will make you humble.

This isn’t even a joke or anything. Want to get put in your place every day? Put together a Pandora station. Or get on Spotify. Doesn’t matter. Whatever you use. Find Rodrigo y Gabriela, the flamenco guitarists who cover metal songs, and build a radio station that includes them and the flamenco guitarists who come up as related. Listen to that for a while every day. That’ll really put you in your place.

It’s a well known fact that productive people get more done than other people.

And it’s a plain and certain fact that being a Top Writer in Productivity on the webonet directly correlates to being a better human being than other people.

That’s not even bragging. It’s just an observation.

We can’t all be hyper-productive people. But maybe, with some hard work, more of us can be humble ones.

Just let me lead the way.

The best part of being a mime is never having to say I’m sorry.