H.M.S. Surprise by Patrick O’Brian A book should transport you, like you have moved wholly somewhere and -when else. O'Brian always does that. This book described badly: Jack and Steve, a self-educated entrepreneur and a hobbyist bug collector, experience a series of missed connections while trying to take their girlfriends on dates. Definitely should read…

The Dooms Day Book by Connie Willis Time travel ruins stories. Except, every now and then, when it’s brilliant. Connie Willis delivers a distressing, gorgeous narrative about people trying really hard to just make it through. The book described badly: Oxford Grad Student’s deep theoretical knowledge proves academic in face of new friends with better examples. Read…

Magic and Music — Know what really grates my gills? All those people who make something that’s exactly like everything else and then they talk at you with long, beery breaths to explain that, no, but this is actually totally different! And here’s the Wikipedia spiral I wrote to explain how! I have, for…

Wrong hero. Too few drugs. — This dude wants to be Jack Kerouac. This book’ll take you on a journey. Not the enlightening, transcendent rise that Delaney wants it to be, but that’s mainly due to my mistake of not taking all the drugs that would probably fill in the gaps in the narrative. Because Delaney…

Hey, kid, no one will ask for that story. — I’m getting to that stage in life where my childhood friends are doing cool jobs. We all reach this stage, I think. For me, a lot of my friends seem to have grown into being teachers. I’m not sure why exactly. What it has meant for me is a couple…

Ah — ambition. That’s why I don’t like it. — My sister wanted to breed dogs. She doesn’t like the personalities of most dogs, though, and she’s allergic to dog hair. Her solution: the newdle. Or the poofoundland. Depends on your preference. Cross a poodle with a newfoundland and you might get the ideal dog for someone like my sister…

And how to shop for them — It’d be cool if you could shop for the ingredients of stories, wouldn’t it? Like, head over to the antique store with a vague sense of “I’m going to write something!” And leave with all the elements you need in order to make that happen. That would be brilliant. Thing…

Half as clever as it should be. — Foundation and Empire tells the story of what happens when a God complex clashes with severe headaches. A person who amounts in the books a folk hero in the form of Hari Seldon has decided that he knows exactly how to direct the next thousand years in order to shorten…

Pretty sure it’s racist. — Slan is the story of Übermensch Jommy Cross and his adventure in trying to achieve world peace through the cunning use of demonstrating superior genetics and the precise application of stealing free will through psychic superpowers. It’s cool, though. Jommy only takes free will from people who would have wasted…